HELLO READERS!

Fellow vertebrate and alternate-universe presidential candidate NEWT GINGRICH is making much political hay about Park51, the Islamic community center being built a mere two blocks from a bootleg DVD vendor!  (Los Expendabales, anyone?)

I cannot see why a supposedly thoughtful amphibian would pick a fight over the first amendment?  Perhaps he wants to preserve this historic loading dock as-is!

Or perhaps he has become a demagogue, picking a symbolic fight that he knows he will lose to rally the people around his pond!

With that in mind, I have constructed a chart of Xenophobe-approved civil rights organized by skin color!  Ho ho, Newt, perhaps you can use it in your campaign brochure!